Friday, December 7, 2012
Afternoon Tea 002
They say everyone has to learn to be independent, to stand on their own feet; but really i wonder, does that apply to every single person? 'Cause i thought everyone is different. I'm learning how to be independent, but I'm getting extremely lonely despite the fact that there are people around.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Afternoon Tea 001
The truth is, I really love God. But I really don't like the idea that He is seen as my religion and thus people base my love for God thru my actions and words.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Honor
I was simply eating my breakfast, watching tv, and suddenly, a question spurt out of my head.
"Why isn't there anything that's happening in my life?"
I really didn't expect a reply, but then again, God is full of surprises. I heard a small still voice that said, "Honor your parents." Then images passed through my head, and quite frankly? It weren't pleasing incidents. I haven't been honoring my parents lately. It made me realize how much my parents love me, and how much they've given, and i dishonor them just because of my mood swings and my irritabilities. Just because I am of age, doesn't mean I know everything. My parents still are my parents, and God wants me to honor them, not only because it's His command, but because of love.
A simple question, answered with a simple loving voice. God is indeed an incredible loving God, who never fails to give us surprises and wisdom.
What will i do now? Of course choose to honor my parents. I may not be perfect, but one thing is for sure, i love my parents, and showing them that I love them, makes my God happy. :)
"Why isn't there anything that's happening in my life?"
I really didn't expect a reply, but then again, God is full of surprises. I heard a small still voice that said, "Honor your parents." Then images passed through my head, and quite frankly? It weren't pleasing incidents. I haven't been honoring my parents lately. It made me realize how much my parents love me, and how much they've given, and i dishonor them just because of my mood swings and my irritabilities. Just because I am of age, doesn't mean I know everything. My parents still are my parents, and God wants me to honor them, not only because it's His command, but because of love.
A simple question, answered with a simple loving voice. God is indeed an incredible loving God, who never fails to give us surprises and wisdom.
What will i do now? Of course choose to honor my parents. I may not be perfect, but one thing is for sure, i love my parents, and showing them that I love them, makes my God happy. :)
Monday, October 8, 2012
Passion Delayed
I love my art, I love everything about it. . but somehow, I can't just make them as much as I did before. I think the return of my passion is quite delayed.
Art is my life. I remembered the days when I was sad, or happy, creating arts is where I express how i truly feel inside. But now. . . It just stopped. Just like that. I tried to look back and tracked where it started to stop. I found out, it was when i began to feel lonely, when i began looking for someone else. I was looking for a partner in life.
I think everybody passes thru this pace, or most in general. I yearned to be in someone's arms, i yearned to have somebody special in my heart. Guess what, i actually found someone! And finding that someone, made me lose two important things in my life.
My Passion and My First Love.
I am not saying that it's his fault that made me lose two of the most important things in my life, what I'm trying to say is, it's my fault. It wasn't him who made me stopped doing the things i love, I chose to stop to have more time with him. It wasn't him who made me stop loving my First Love first, it was my choice to put him ahead of my First Love. These were my choices, it wasn't his, it was mine, and I am responsible for my own choices.
Having someone special in my life is a huge blessing, it was never a curse. My First Love gave him as a gift to me. He's my blessing and I am happy that I have him. :) What I'm not happy about is that, how irresponsible I am to just focus on the blessing and forgot about the Giver and all those other important things in my life. . . Too much emotions, too much dependency, too much care. . Too much, was never healthy.
Having someone special in one's life is a blessing, but if that blessing is misused, it can hurt badly. I can't believe that having someone special can be lonely. I thought having a special someone will make me the happiest person in the world and not be lonely EVER. But. . . the thing is, he's human, just like me. Who gets tired, who's not perfect, who can't always be there, who can even fail me. I set aside my passion for arts and my First Love because i was too focused on my blessing, my special someone. . and look at me now. Tired, unhappy, dysfunctional, unsatisfied, demanding, and would you be surprised, I am extremely lonely.
It's not that he's not there. He's ALWAYS there, but then, I still feel lonely. I feel unloved. I feel empty. I feel lost. I am lost. Why is it this way? Cause again, he's human, just like me. He alone can't feed my needs. . Cause for me to be happy, to be satisfied, I need to have my passion, to release my individuality, to express who I am, and I need to have my First Love, who gave him to me in the first place, my First Love who can only fill my heart's desires and the only One who can give me the security that I need. . So that when the day comes that my special one would fail me, i still have that security that i need to have the strength to forgive him and to actually still accept him and be my blessing despite his imperfections. <3
I'm bringing them back in my life. . . My Passion and my First Love, that's my own choice.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Random Ponderings
It's just one of those nights when I ponder about my future. .
I wonder how my future house would look like,
How many kids will I have?
How my husband and I would have dinner together.
How I will take care of the house. .
How it will be when I have a family of my own.
I guess I'm just at that age where I yearn to have my own life.
My own happy home, my own family, my own knight in shining armor.
Just as I was so engrossed of my future
I looked around in my room,
My shelves, My messy clothes, My table. .
My own bed, my own door, my own closet. .
I realized. . that I had so much. .
I had so much to thank about,
I had so much to enjoy at the moment.
I have so much to make good memories of.
My own family, my own house, my own knight will come.
Just not now, And yet. .
I still have thousands upon thousands of reasons to be content. .
To be thankful. . to be happy about. .
Because in a few years time. .
All of these will be nothing but a memory. .
Might as well enjoy every bit of it. <3
I wonder how my future house would look like,
How many kids will I have?
How my husband and I would have dinner together.
How I will take care of the house. .
How it will be when I have a family of my own.
I guess I'm just at that age where I yearn to have my own life.
My own happy home, my own family, my own knight in shining armor.
Just as I was so engrossed of my future
I looked around in my room,
My shelves, My messy clothes, My table. .
My own bed, my own door, my own closet. .
I realized. . that I had so much. .
I had so much to thank about,
I had so much to enjoy at the moment.
I have so much to make good memories of.
My own family, my own house, my own knight will come.
Just not now, And yet. .
I still have thousands upon thousands of reasons to be content. .
To be thankful. . to be happy about. .
Because in a few years time. .
All of these will be nothing but a memory. .
Might as well enjoy every bit of it. <3
Monday, June 18, 2012
A Woman's Betrayer
Emotions. A woman's greatest betrayer is her own emotions. With no control, she drowns in her ocean of various emotions. Although right now, there is one type of emotion that brings so much damage to herself, and to the people around her.
Jealousy.
Jealousy is insane when its towards someone because of a certain special someone. It is deadly, it is lonely, it is empty. It's a sad emotion to keep. I don't understand why there are a lot of women who hides this emotion. I tried to hide it, but it actually made things worse! And i've seen how unfair it is to the person concerned.
Jealousy isn't something worth keeping, worth hiding. It is something that has to be brought out of the light, something that HAS to be talked about. When jealousy is present in the heart, every person around you is a threat. You lose sight of the goodness of your friendship with other people and you see competitiveness instead. It's lonely because you can't see any good in the people around you anymore. You destroy trust and faith inside of you. It's not a happy place to be in.
Choosing your emotions over your relationships is very stupid and crappy. It's selfish, and girl, i tell you, it's self condemnation and it's a place that you can easily get away from, don't let yourself drown on those worthless and nonsense self-pity or self-condemnation thoughts, cause you know? You're beautiful and jealousy is taking that away from you.
In this life, jealousy is sure to knock at your heart's door. There is so much to be jealous about. Circumstances, material things, money, beauty, achievements, and a lot of other things, but most especially, relationships. Don't let jealousy destroy a beautiful relationship, let it be your friends, best friends, boyfriends, or spouses.
Having someone special in your life is the most beautiful thing God has ever created. It is the breath of God patching both of you together in His warm embrace. It is an expression of His great love for you. Don't let jealousy blind you. Rather let it help you communicate your emotions to your special someone. Let them know who you are. Don't be ashamed to show how much of a human you really just are. If they get mad at you, at least you were real. Don't hide who you are. You're a woman, you feel this emotion.
Jealousy isn't something worth keeping. It deceives you to be strong and powerful; it's pride. Don't let those things steal you of your relationship.
Pride can never, EVER, level up to the beauty of the feeling of having someone special in your life. Step on that pride, and communicate why you're jealous. Do it now, before those crappy thoughts eat you alive. Before you lose your special someone, and before you lose every relationship connected to it. Think about it, it's rather destroying your innocence in loving someone. Don't let that happen cause you hurt God as well.
Jealousy.
Jealousy is insane when its towards someone because of a certain special someone. It is deadly, it is lonely, it is empty. It's a sad emotion to keep. I don't understand why there are a lot of women who hides this emotion. I tried to hide it, but it actually made things worse! And i've seen how unfair it is to the person concerned.
Jealousy isn't something worth keeping, worth hiding. It is something that has to be brought out of the light, something that HAS to be talked about. When jealousy is present in the heart, every person around you is a threat. You lose sight of the goodness of your friendship with other people and you see competitiveness instead. It's lonely because you can't see any good in the people around you anymore. You destroy trust and faith inside of you. It's not a happy place to be in.
Choosing your emotions over your relationships is very stupid and crappy. It's selfish, and girl, i tell you, it's self condemnation and it's a place that you can easily get away from, don't let yourself drown on those worthless and nonsense self-pity or self-condemnation thoughts, cause you know? You're beautiful and jealousy is taking that away from you.
In this life, jealousy is sure to knock at your heart's door. There is so much to be jealous about. Circumstances, material things, money, beauty, achievements, and a lot of other things, but most especially, relationships. Don't let jealousy destroy a beautiful relationship, let it be your friends, best friends, boyfriends, or spouses.
Having someone special in your life is the most beautiful thing God has ever created. It is the breath of God patching both of you together in His warm embrace. It is an expression of His great love for you. Don't let jealousy blind you. Rather let it help you communicate your emotions to your special someone. Let them know who you are. Don't be ashamed to show how much of a human you really just are. If they get mad at you, at least you were real. Don't hide who you are. You're a woman, you feel this emotion.
Jealousy isn't something worth keeping. It deceives you to be strong and powerful; it's pride. Don't let those things steal you of your relationship.
Pride can never, EVER, level up to the beauty of the feeling of having someone special in your life. Step on that pride, and communicate why you're jealous. Do it now, before those crappy thoughts eat you alive. Before you lose your special someone, and before you lose every relationship connected to it. Think about it, it's rather destroying your innocence in loving someone. Don't let that happen cause you hurt God as well.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Reaching Dreams
When I was a kid, I always looked forward to reaching my dreams.
I studied hard, did everything to make my art look good and worked hard for confidence.
Now that I am in my senior year, graduating this school year in college. . .
Things did not turn out the way I imagined it to be.
Don't get me wrong, I was honestly expecting the hardships the challenges.
I imagined the discrimination, the doubts, the financial challenges, and the criticisms.
But there is one thing that I have never thought about. .
Something I never expected to actually pull me down big time and actually discourage me.
Me.
The biggest challenge i have right now, is the battle within myself.
My self-pity, my fears, my indecisiveness, my own expectations.
My own doubts with my own craft, My own pessimism towards my art.
My own criticism with my own art, my own condemnation.
My being perfectionist.
This is one of the most challenging factors to face when one reaches her dream.
Being a perfectionist is something that has to be controlled and balanced.
It's somewhat unhealthy when you focus so much on making all things good,
And actually forgetting that you make art to be happy, not to make money.
I guess thats the point, reaching one's dream and providing for her own needs,
Is the biggest battle any artist could face into reaching her dreams.
It's no joke to graduate and risk reaching one's dream over a sure steady job.
It is a battle between having money with no dream against having a dream with no money.
But then again, you'll never know what can happen.
Quite frankly, all you need is God's Hands over your dreams,
And accepting His Grace and trusting Him that He provides for all your needs.
So you get your dreams and the provision that you actually need.
The secret to reaching one's dreams is actually keeping one's eyes on Him. :)
I studied hard, did everything to make my art look good and worked hard for confidence.
Now that I am in my senior year, graduating this school year in college. . .
Things did not turn out the way I imagined it to be.
Don't get me wrong, I was honestly expecting the hardships the challenges.
I imagined the discrimination, the doubts, the financial challenges, and the criticisms.
But there is one thing that I have never thought about. .
Something I never expected to actually pull me down big time and actually discourage me.
Me.
The biggest challenge i have right now, is the battle within myself.
My self-pity, my fears, my indecisiveness, my own expectations.
My own doubts with my own craft, My own pessimism towards my art.
My own criticism with my own art, my own condemnation.
My being perfectionist.
This is one of the most challenging factors to face when one reaches her dream.
Being a perfectionist is something that has to be controlled and balanced.
It's somewhat unhealthy when you focus so much on making all things good,
And actually forgetting that you make art to be happy, not to make money.
I guess thats the point, reaching one's dream and providing for her own needs,
Is the biggest battle any artist could face into reaching her dreams.
It's no joke to graduate and risk reaching one's dream over a sure steady job.
It is a battle between having money with no dream against having a dream with no money.
But then again, you'll never know what can happen.
Quite frankly, all you need is God's Hands over your dreams,
And accepting His Grace and trusting Him that He provides for all your needs.
So you get your dreams and the provision that you actually need.
The secret to reaching one's dreams is actually keeping one's eyes on Him. :)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
God's Best
A conversation between two different people who loves God. I hope this inspires you as much as it has inspired me. :)
________
I honestly like you a lot, and maybe something more than that.
I'm very scared to lose you & very scared to know the truth about us.
What if God really doesn't mean for us to be together?
How exactly can I react to that?
Do I let you go or do I rebel and stay with you?
But someday hear from someone that I should have waited for God's best.
Cause if we're not meant for each other, we at some percentage destroy something inside of us.
Before I always would let go of anything for God. . .
But somehow when it came to the matters of the heart, I am somehow divided.
I am so scared to lose you, but I am more scared to disappoint God.
I love God so much, but I'm extremely scared to lose you.
Somehow I wonder if this happens to other people.
I am so much concerned of what God wants, that I don't want to make a mistake.
________
That's why we're lessening everything at the moment.
Because we still don't know if we're meant for each other.
That's why we're lessening, to detach ourselves from each other.
So that if ever one day, we find out that God doesn't want us to be together, then we can take it.
We have to be strong for us to go through that.
There might be someone else there that God wants for you.
I want to be with you, but if God doesn't want me to, no matter how hurtful it truly is for me, I will have to let go.
Even if you don't want to let go, I will.
No matter how much I really don't want to.
But as long as I know it's for the best of us, especially you, then we'll be fine.
We just have to be strong.
But i do pray, every single day that we'll be together.
And i know that He's listening to me.
I know that He hears the cries of my heart. What I REALLY want and that I'd do practically anything to be with her.
He listens to me, and that's what eases my doubts of the future.
That I've done everything I can to be with you, and even with that, we still won't be together, then it really isn't meant to be.
I know that if ever we're together, and its not supposed to be, we will never be happy, We will always have our conscience talking to us.
So no matter which way it goes, God will always be with us.
________
We will follow God no matter what.
He knows what's best for us.
I cannot comprehend the idea of not being with you & spending my life with another guy.
But i do understand & believe that He's not doing this because He's controlling us. .
Rather because He knows what's best for us.
I want to be with you, but if there's another girl who's far more better than I am that will suit you better, then I will let go.
Not because of rebellion against God, but rather because of my utmost care about you.
Only God knows if we'll be together, but at this moment, you are the best for me.
Now I understand what it truly means, "If you really love somebody, you let them go,"
It's not a heroic act, but rather an act of wisdom and complete understanding of what "love" really means.
I'll be honest, up until now, I am searching for the real meaning of those three little words.
Whatever happens between us, we leave it all to God.
________
________
I honestly like you a lot, and maybe something more than that.
I'm very scared to lose you & very scared to know the truth about us.
What if God really doesn't mean for us to be together?
How exactly can I react to that?
Do I let you go or do I rebel and stay with you?
But someday hear from someone that I should have waited for God's best.
Cause if we're not meant for each other, we at some percentage destroy something inside of us.
Before I always would let go of anything for God. . .
But somehow when it came to the matters of the heart, I am somehow divided.
I am so scared to lose you, but I am more scared to disappoint God.
I love God so much, but I'm extremely scared to lose you.
Somehow I wonder if this happens to other people.
I am so much concerned of what God wants, that I don't want to make a mistake.
________
That's why we're lessening everything at the moment.
Because we still don't know if we're meant for each other.
That's why we're lessening, to detach ourselves from each other.
So that if ever one day, we find out that God doesn't want us to be together, then we can take it.
We have to be strong for us to go through that.
There might be someone else there that God wants for you.
I want to be with you, but if God doesn't want me to, no matter how hurtful it truly is for me, I will have to let go.
Even if you don't want to let go, I will.
No matter how much I really don't want to.
But as long as I know it's for the best of us, especially you, then we'll be fine.
We just have to be strong.
But i do pray, every single day that we'll be together.
And i know that He's listening to me.
I know that He hears the cries of my heart. What I REALLY want and that I'd do practically anything to be with her.
He listens to me, and that's what eases my doubts of the future.
That I've done everything I can to be with you, and even with that, we still won't be together, then it really isn't meant to be.
I know that if ever we're together, and its not supposed to be, we will never be happy, We will always have our conscience talking to us.
So no matter which way it goes, God will always be with us.
________
We will follow God no matter what.
He knows what's best for us.
I cannot comprehend the idea of not being with you & spending my life with another guy.
But i do understand & believe that He's not doing this because He's controlling us. .
Rather because He knows what's best for us.
I want to be with you, but if there's another girl who's far more better than I am that will suit you better, then I will let go.
Not because of rebellion against God, but rather because of my utmost care about you.
Only God knows if we'll be together, but at this moment, you are the best for me.
Now I understand what it truly means, "If you really love somebody, you let them go,"
It's not a heroic act, but rather an act of wisdom and complete understanding of what "love" really means.
I'll be honest, up until now, I am searching for the real meaning of those three little words.
Whatever happens between us, we leave it all to God.
________
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
One Difference
"I think we should ask her to model for us," my classmate asked.
"Nah, i think her nose is too pointed and white," I replied.
A few days after, there was a rumor about a young talented artist that committed suicide.
I didn't care much, I just prayed to God her family would be okay. Until I asked my classmate who the person was.
"Oh! remember that girl I pointed to and asked if she could model for us? The pretty white girl? That's her. It's really sad."
Believe me. My mind went blank, and it rarely happens.
Lots of things went through my mind. But one thing never left my head. "What if we took her in as our model? Would it have made a difference?"
Nothing happens by chance, only by choice. Somehow, i feel like the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I should take her in, cause quite frankly, i wanted to, but she was already far from us, so i didn't bother.
I know I have nothing to do with that girl, but somehow i wonder, if ever I talked to her, would it have made a difference? I think it would at some point.
If I asked her to model for us, she would've been in the pictorial rather than in her room alone. I know it's not my fault, i have nothing to do with it, but it could have made one difference.
It's so easy for us to ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit, easy to judge other people of their appearance, easy to disregard them just like centavo coins. One obedience, could have made one difference.
It's been months since that incident in our school, but it never left me, and i believe that is no coincidence as well. I do believe God is teaching me something, its not to strengthen my fear, but to strengthen my faith. Making One difference, means to be different.
I wonder how many teenagers are committing suicide just because of loneliness, of ignorance.
I think about my life, my dreams. I want to be a fashion designer to be able to produce money for missions, to be a money maker for people who reach out to other people. What a lonely life. God gave me the opportunity to reach out to other people, and that's not just supporting them financially, but it's about having an ear to listen, eyes to see the need, a mouth to give encouragement & care, and arms so long to give a hug.
I got my perspective all wrong. It's not about making the money and giving it to the poor. It's about giving to the poor and using God's money to provide.
Mary poured her alabaster jar on Jesus' feet. She could've sold that alabaster jar and gave the huge amount of money to feed the hungry, but she chose to use it to honor Jesus. My eyes shouldn't be on the blessings, they should be on the Provider.
It takes one obedience to make one difference. I don't know how much people I've missed just because I've ignored the Holy Spirit. It just makes you want to cry. This is not about religion, it's about life. One love for God, can make one life for another.
I think, it's time to make one choice.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Matthew 22:37
This movie inspired me to write about this post. http://tosavealifemovie.com/
"Nah, i think her nose is too pointed and white," I replied.
A few days after, there was a rumor about a young talented artist that committed suicide.
I didn't care much, I just prayed to God her family would be okay. Until I asked my classmate who the person was.
"Oh! remember that girl I pointed to and asked if she could model for us? The pretty white girl? That's her. It's really sad."
Believe me. My mind went blank, and it rarely happens.
Lots of things went through my mind. But one thing never left my head. "What if we took her in as our model? Would it have made a difference?"
Nothing happens by chance, only by choice. Somehow, i feel like the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I should take her in, cause quite frankly, i wanted to, but she was already far from us, so i didn't bother.
I know I have nothing to do with that girl, but somehow i wonder, if ever I talked to her, would it have made a difference? I think it would at some point.
If I asked her to model for us, she would've been in the pictorial rather than in her room alone. I know it's not my fault, i have nothing to do with it, but it could have made one difference.
It's so easy for us to ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit, easy to judge other people of their appearance, easy to disregard them just like centavo coins. One obedience, could have made one difference.
It's been months since that incident in our school, but it never left me, and i believe that is no coincidence as well. I do believe God is teaching me something, its not to strengthen my fear, but to strengthen my faith. Making One difference, means to be different.
I wonder how many teenagers are committing suicide just because of loneliness, of ignorance.
I think about my life, my dreams. I want to be a fashion designer to be able to produce money for missions, to be a money maker for people who reach out to other people. What a lonely life. God gave me the opportunity to reach out to other people, and that's not just supporting them financially, but it's about having an ear to listen, eyes to see the need, a mouth to give encouragement & care, and arms so long to give a hug.
I got my perspective all wrong. It's not about making the money and giving it to the poor. It's about giving to the poor and using God's money to provide.
Mary poured her alabaster jar on Jesus' feet. She could've sold that alabaster jar and gave the huge amount of money to feed the hungry, but she chose to use it to honor Jesus. My eyes shouldn't be on the blessings, they should be on the Provider.
It takes one obedience to make one difference. I don't know how much people I've missed just because I've ignored the Holy Spirit. It just makes you want to cry. This is not about religion, it's about life. One love for God, can make one life for another.
I think, it's time to make one choice.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Matthew 22:37
This movie inspired me to write about this post. http://tosavealifemovie.com/
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Hear and Obey
I compromise, I make lots of excuses, I can be pretty lazy, I ignore, but most of all I don't listen when it doesn't make sense in my head.
Ever since I was a kid, my father has taught me to read the Bible and pray. I like praying and singing to God, but reading the Bible? That's my biggest problem. Still I read the Bible, but usually, its out of, you know, obeying. I had a happy childhood, I am a very bright and smiley and colorful kid, I saw life full of happiness and I knew life is beautiful.
Until, I grew up.
Everything changed. Busy here, busy there. Cramming here, cramming there. Stress, pressure, sleepless nights. Everything just changed. The once happy-go-lucky girl became skeptical and pessimistic. The worst I guess is, I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying to God. I began to doubt.
I saw the Bible as paper. A normal book, something educational, something stressful for me to even read. I don't like books without pictures, it bores me, and somehow that's how I saw the Bible and so I began to set it aside. I continued to pray, I continued to minister, but i barely opened the Bible.
A time came into my life that i began to get depressed. Continuous disappointments and major changes in life is not easy to handle especially when one is too emotional. I began to tire people because of my needs and i began to cry without even knowing why I'm crying. I stopped seeing art as something i love to do, i began to push people away. I even thought of ending my life cause i feel like nothing good will come out of this life.
I told my dad about it, every single detail of it. He knows how much i want to give up on life, but this he never fails to tell me, "God will never give up on you, He is full of mercy and grace, He accepts you despite your imperfections and failures. Life is beautiful when you have God." Hearing that, I knew I had to open my Bible.
Still I was skeptical. The Bible is JUST a book. What can it do? Yeah i read it, but how can it make me feel better? It's just a book. Text written in paper. What difference does it make with the other books? It just doesn't make sense. This is not the answer to the happiness that I am looking for.
I kept looking for other things. Friends. Games. Money. You know, those things that i thought could fill my empty heart, and yet everything is just unsatisfying. No happiness, no beautiful life. I continued to feel downhearted every single day.
Until one day.
I finally decided to give it a try. Okay. I opened my Bible, i said i'll only read a verse but. . the next thing i know, I've read three chapters. It's quite interesting, but i still felt no changes. I went on with my day. . . but as i end my day, i realized something. It's different.
I saw life differently. I don't get it. I just read my Bible, and what i read was totally not connected to what i was doing that day. I don't know, but I was happy that whole day! My mood went up and down, but i didn't stay down, i had the strength to get up! I thought it was just coincidence. So i tried it again the next day. And there! same thing! i was happy! Satisfied!
I was thinking maybe it wasn't the Bible, maybe i just really changed! So I began to not read my Bible again; and one thing I've noticed. I went back to being depressed.
I can't explain this much longer or more detailed, I don't understand it as well. How reading the Bible makes me see the beauty of life. How it makes me feel happy. I don't know, it doesn't make sense; But one thing I know, there are just things in life that we really can't understand. Just like how love suddenly comes into our life, how one person whom we never expect to come, changes our life, how one disaster in our life brings out the biggest blessing there could ever be. It just doesn't make sense, but it happens, and it never fails to make us look up, smile, and thank Him.
All we have to do is listen and obey, even if it doesn't make any sense, and surely everything else will fall into its perfect place. :)
And oh! Add it with prayer? Your day would never be the same again. Everyday is indeed a new day, a simple prayer that makes my life exciting, "Holy Spirit, please guide me today. I want to hear and obey." <3
Ever since I was a kid, my father has taught me to read the Bible and pray. I like praying and singing to God, but reading the Bible? That's my biggest problem. Still I read the Bible, but usually, its out of, you know, obeying. I had a happy childhood, I am a very bright and smiley and colorful kid, I saw life full of happiness and I knew life is beautiful.
Until, I grew up.
Everything changed. Busy here, busy there. Cramming here, cramming there. Stress, pressure, sleepless nights. Everything just changed. The once happy-go-lucky girl became skeptical and pessimistic. The worst I guess is, I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying to God. I began to doubt.
I saw the Bible as paper. A normal book, something educational, something stressful for me to even read. I don't like books without pictures, it bores me, and somehow that's how I saw the Bible and so I began to set it aside. I continued to pray, I continued to minister, but i barely opened the Bible.
A time came into my life that i began to get depressed. Continuous disappointments and major changes in life is not easy to handle especially when one is too emotional. I began to tire people because of my needs and i began to cry without even knowing why I'm crying. I stopped seeing art as something i love to do, i began to push people away. I even thought of ending my life cause i feel like nothing good will come out of this life.
I told my dad about it, every single detail of it. He knows how much i want to give up on life, but this he never fails to tell me, "God will never give up on you, He is full of mercy and grace, He accepts you despite your imperfections and failures. Life is beautiful when you have God." Hearing that, I knew I had to open my Bible.
Still I was skeptical. The Bible is JUST a book. What can it do? Yeah i read it, but how can it make me feel better? It's just a book. Text written in paper. What difference does it make with the other books? It just doesn't make sense. This is not the answer to the happiness that I am looking for.
I kept looking for other things. Friends. Games. Money. You know, those things that i thought could fill my empty heart, and yet everything is just unsatisfying. No happiness, no beautiful life. I continued to feel downhearted every single day.
Until one day.
I finally decided to give it a try. Okay. I opened my Bible, i said i'll only read a verse but. . the next thing i know, I've read three chapters. It's quite interesting, but i still felt no changes. I went on with my day. . . but as i end my day, i realized something. It's different.
I saw life differently. I don't get it. I just read my Bible, and what i read was totally not connected to what i was doing that day. I don't know, but I was happy that whole day! My mood went up and down, but i didn't stay down, i had the strength to get up! I thought it was just coincidence. So i tried it again the next day. And there! same thing! i was happy! Satisfied!
I was thinking maybe it wasn't the Bible, maybe i just really changed! So I began to not read my Bible again; and one thing I've noticed. I went back to being depressed.
I can't explain this much longer or more detailed, I don't understand it as well. How reading the Bible makes me see the beauty of life. How it makes me feel happy. I don't know, it doesn't make sense; But one thing I know, there are just things in life that we really can't understand. Just like how love suddenly comes into our life, how one person whom we never expect to come, changes our life, how one disaster in our life brings out the biggest blessing there could ever be. It just doesn't make sense, but it happens, and it never fails to make us look up, smile, and thank Him.
All we have to do is listen and obey, even if it doesn't make any sense, and surely everything else will fall into its perfect place. :)
And oh! Add it with prayer? Your day would never be the same again. Everyday is indeed a new day, a simple prayer that makes my life exciting, "Holy Spirit, please guide me today. I want to hear and obey." <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)