Afternoon Tea 002

They say everyone has to learn to be independent, to stand on their own feet; but really i wonder, does that apply to every single person? 'Cause i thought everyone is different. I'm learning how to be independent, but I'm getting extremely lonely despite the fact that there are people around.

Afternoon Tea 001

The truth is, I really love God. But I really don't like the idea that He is seen as my religion and thus people base my love for God thru my actions and words.

Honor

I was simply eating my breakfast, watching tv, and suddenly, a question spurt out of my head.

"Why isn't there anything that's happening in my life?"

I really didn't expect a reply, but then again, God is full of surprises. I heard a small still voice that said, "Honor your parents." Then images passed through my head, and quite frankly? It weren't pleasing incidents. I haven't been honoring my parents lately. It made me realize how much my parents love me, and how much they've given, and i dishonor them just because of my mood swings and my irritabilities. Just because I am of age, doesn't mean I know everything. My parents still are my parents, and God wants me to honor them, not only because it's His command, but because of love.

A simple question, answered with a simple loving voice. God is indeed an incredible loving God, who never fails to give us surprises and wisdom.

What will i do now? Of course choose to honor my parents. I may not be perfect, but one thing is for sure, i love my parents, and showing them that I love them, makes my God happy. :)

Passion Delayed

I love my art, I love everything about it. .  but somehow, I can't just make them as much as I did before. I think the return of my passion is quite delayed.

Art is my life. I remembered the days when I was sad, or happy, creating arts is where I express how i truly feel inside. But now. . . It just stopped. Just like that. I tried to look back and tracked where it started to stop. I found out, it was when i began to feel lonely, when i began looking for someone else. I was looking for a partner in life.

I think everybody passes thru this pace, or most in general. I yearned to be in someone's arms, i yearned to have somebody special in my heart. Guess what, i actually found someone! And finding that someone, made me lose two important things in my life.

My Passion and My First Love. 

I am not saying that it's his fault that made me lose two of the most important things in my life, what I'm trying to say is, it's my fault. It wasn't him who made me stopped doing the things i love, I chose to stop to have more time with him. It wasn't him who made me stop loving my First Love first, it was my choice to put him ahead of my First Love. These were my choices, it wasn't his, it was mine, and I am responsible for my own choices.

Having someone special in my life is a huge blessing, it was never a curse. My First Love gave him as a gift to me. He's my blessing and I am happy that I have him. :) What I'm not happy about is that, how irresponsible I am to just focus on the blessing and forgot about the Giver and all those other important things in my life. . . Too much emotions, too much dependency, too much care. . Too much, was never healthy.

Having someone special in one's life is a blessing, but if that blessing is misused, it can hurt badly. I can't believe that having someone special can be lonely. I thought having a special someone will make me the happiest person in the world and not be lonely EVER. But. . . the thing is, he's human, just like me. Who gets tired, who's not perfect, who can't always be there, who can even fail me. I set aside my passion for arts and my First Love because i was too focused on my blessing, my special someone. .  and look at me now. Tired, unhappy, dysfunctional, unsatisfied, demanding, and would you be surprised, I am extremely lonely.

It's not that he's not there. He's ALWAYS there, but then, I still feel lonely. I feel unloved. I feel empty. I feel lost. I am lost. Why is it this way? Cause again, he's human, just like me. He alone can't feed my needs. . Cause for me to be happy, to be satisfied, I need to have my passion, to release my individuality, to express who I am, and I need to have my First Love, who gave him to me in the first place, my First Love who can only fill my heart's desires and the only One who can give me the security that I need. .  So that when the day comes that my special one would fail me, i still have that security that i need to have the strength to forgive him and to actually still accept him and be my blessing despite his imperfections. <3

I'm bringing them back in my life. . . My Passion and my First Love, that's my own choice.

Relationships

There is no perfect relationship, only faithful relationships. :)

Random Ponderings

It's just one of those nights when I ponder about my future. .
I wonder how my future house would look like,
How many kids will I have?
How my husband and I would have dinner together.
How I will take care of the house. .
How it will be when I have a family of my own.

I guess I'm just at that age where I yearn to have my own life.
My own happy home, my own family, my own knight in shining armor.

Just as I was so engrossed of my future
I looked around in my room,
My shelves, My messy clothes, My table. .
My own bed, my own door, my own closet. .
I realized. .  that I had so much. .

I had so much to thank about,
I had so much to enjoy at the moment.
I have so much to make good memories of.

My own family, my own house, my own knight will come.
Just not now, And yet. .
I still have thousands upon thousands of reasons to be content. .
To be thankful. .  to be happy about. .
Because in a few years time. .
All of these will be nothing but a memory. .

Might as well enjoy every bit of it. <3

A Woman's Betrayer

Emotions. A woman's greatest betrayer is her own emotions. With no control, she drowns in her ocean of various emotions. Although right now, there is one type of emotion that brings so much damage to herself, and to the people around her.

Jealousy.

Jealousy is insane when its towards someone because of a certain special someone. It is deadly, it is lonely, it is empty. It's a sad emotion to keep. I don't understand why there are a lot of women who hides this emotion. I tried to hide it, but it actually made things worse! And i've seen how unfair it is to the person concerned.

Jealousy isn't something worth keeping, worth hiding. It is something that has to be brought out of the light, something that HAS to be talked about. When jealousy is present in the heart, every person around you is a threat. You lose sight of the goodness of your friendship with other people and you see competitiveness instead. It's lonely because you can't see any good in the people around you anymore. You destroy trust and faith inside of you. It's not a happy place to be in.

Choosing your emotions over your relationships is very stupid and crappy. It's selfish, and girl, i tell you, it's self condemnation and it's a place that you can easily get away from, don't let yourself drown on those worthless and nonsense self-pity or self-condemnation thoughts, cause you know? You're beautiful and jealousy is taking that away from you.

In this life, jealousy is sure to knock at your heart's door. There is so much to be jealous about. Circumstances, material things, money, beauty, achievements, and a lot of other things, but most especially, relationships. Don't let jealousy destroy a beautiful relationship, let it be your friends, best friends, boyfriends, or spouses.

Having someone special in your life is the most beautiful thing God has ever created. It is the breath of God patching both of you together in His warm embrace. It is an expression of His great love for you. Don't let jealousy blind you. Rather let it help you communicate your emotions to your special someone. Let them know who you are. Don't be ashamed to show how much of a human you really just are. If they get mad at you, at least you were real. Don't hide who you are. You're a woman, you feel this emotion.

Jealousy isn't something worth keeping. It deceives you to be strong and powerful; it's pride. Don't let those things steal you of your relationship.

Pride can never, EVER, level up to the beauty of the feeling of having someone special in your life. Step on that pride, and communicate why you're jealous. Do it now, before those crappy thoughts eat you alive. Before you lose your special someone, and before you lose every relationship connected to it. Think about it, it's rather destroying your innocence in loving someone. Don't let that happen cause you hurt God as well.