Ever since I was little, sadness has been my struggle. Its a question that I ask myself up to now, “Why am I always sad?" The older I get, the harder it gets.
Its a weird kind of sadness, its a sadness that makes me want to run away from life and basically just end it. Imagine a ten or eleven year old thinking of ways to end her life, when she should be out playing and enjoying life. Don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful parents who love me and siblings who care for me. They’re amazing people and they are not the reason of my sadness, actually, they’re my greatest supporters and encouragers to live and be happy.
This sadness.. This is my battle, my battle inside of me.
When I was young, every week I was sad. Now being in my 20s, everyday I fight with sadness. I think my being an artist, has a big connection to this battle. Waking up and staying happy until I sleep is a dream for me.
And dreams come true, not everyday, but they come true. :)
God.. God has been my strength, my hope, and my greatest foundation. He never left me and He is my reason why I am still alive today, breathing, living. He’s my sunshine during my stormy childhood days; and now all grown up, He sent me an angel. :)
Everyday I wake up with a message that he is there and that God loves me. Everyday reminding me that life is beautiful and I have to live because someday we’ll get married. God sent me an angel, who makes sure i have no space for sadness, as much as he can. Who reminds me everyday that I am a wonderful and talented artist, a beautiful woman. Who always gives me the positive side of every problem. Who makes it a point to see me everyday, even for a short time, just so that I won’t feel lonely.
I really wanted to give up on myself, but God sent me this angel who showers me with so much love. Love that is so selfless and pure. Love that makes me go back to God, that shows me glimpses of what God’s love is.
The more that this person loves me, the more that I look to God. This precious gift of God that helps me want to live life to its fullest. I can never thank God enough for my best friend, my lover. :)
When i wake up, i still feel that sadness, but this time, I am fighting. Because someone is fighting with me. :)
Thank you God for this wonderful man,my future husband. <3
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