Unexpected Sadness

You know those moments when you just feel so lonely, down, and sad? When you cry out not knowing why you were even crying. When you feel like you're a burden to everybody. It's the feeling that you want to talk to your intimates, but you feel like you can give them nothing but burden. You want to speak out and say what's wrong and fix it, but you just don't know how to say it.

You know that feeling when you just don't understand why you're sad. You want to be happy but you can't be happy. You try to eat, shop, do all of these things, but in the end, it's the same. You feel lonely. You feel sad, you feel like your life is worthless, you feel like there is nothing for you anymore.

You try to come and talk to your friends, but you just hate the mere fact of burdening them. And so you hide it all instead by shelling inside. At least no body else gets hurt but yourself. You think of all these happy thoughts, and you feel like you'll never have them today. All you have is tears, loneliness, and ignorance & rejection from the world. It's not as if they reject or neglect you, but you yourself neglect and reject yourself.

It's a bottomless pit of sadness. You keep eating. You keep getting fatter. You end up getting sad about the weight. It's sad. You want to make things better by talking to people you love the most, but you shell out instead. it's so painful inside. So very painful. And all your loved ones could say is, "okay, if that's what you want." Can't you see? I want you to put some effort. If you really really care, please go beyond the words and look into the heart. It's wailing, wanting for attention and love.

I guess that's it.

You just want to feel loved. To actually FEEL it.

Feel it.

Feel.

feel.

. . .