Music & Art

Hey, Shirielise is the name, and right now, I'm very inspired and I think the artist in me just wants to speak out from the bottom of her heart, this is quite rare, for the artist inside of me usually hides, scared of rejection of the craft she made out of her heart.

I am twenty-three and if you ask me what is my ambition is, this is what I would say. My dream is to sing and to create arts.

Yes.

As simple as that.

Ever since I was a kid, I knew I was different. I knew I see things differently, I knew that I would be an outcast at some point. I was actually, several times, and this is why the artist inside of me learned how to hide and sometimes it comes out sincerely, just like now.

I am writing this to tell you what is in my mind when I am inspired, when the artist in me isn't hiding.

I want to sing. The only reason why I want to sing is because I want people to hear what God has given me. I want people to feel the love that God has showered upon my life, and i want people to hear the sweetness of the Lord. When I was still small, around 5 or 6. I know I offered my voice to the Lord. If i sing, I only sing His music. I sing because I love Him. I sing because I want Him to sing through me. That is why i sing. That is the only reason why I sing. When I sing I want them to feel the Holy Spirit, I want them to feel how beautiful it is to be in the arms of the Father, how intimate He is. How near He really is. I want to sing with feelings, with emotions, with passion. Not just anything ordinary, not just any song. I want people to hear my heart and He is dwelling in my heart. I want my voice to be the embrace that God wants to give to His children. I want my voice to be His tunnel, His bridge to let people hear His love for them intimately.

I want to draw. I want to draw digitally. I've always want to draw. I've always wanted to draw but I wasn't good at it. My hands were too heavy. But thank God, He showed me digital arts, and that was my medium. My medium to show people the beauty that God has created. I wanted to create illustrations that show the love of God. I wanted to place who I am entirely on what i draw. I wanted to hear that when people see my art, they'll say, "Hey! that's shiriel's! That's her art, that's her!" and when they see my craft. .  I want them to feel what I felt when I made it. I want them to be happy. :) I want them to feel God's love and touch. I want them see peace and rest, I want my art to bring comfort to them, to make them stop for awhile, to think, and to thank God of His goodness. I want to draw, because this is my communion with God. Whenever I draw digitally, I can feel God with me, I can feel Him working with me, speaking to me. This is why I draw digitally. It's like another world that God is showing me.

This is why I do arts. This is why I sing.

On top of that. My biggest dream would be, to have a coffee shop. A coffee shop that would be a home for artists. That would give them a place of belongingness. Where they could create their own world, where they could reveal the artist in them without anyone holding them back, to give them a palace of encouragement and inspiration. A place of art, music, and coffee, and most of all, a place where God's love is shown in so many ways. :) This is my biggest dream.

Quite frankly. I don't know how to start. I don't know where to sing. I don't know where to show my digital arts. I don't know. But He does. I'm getting older, but my faith will never falter. God said, He'll never fail me, He'll never leave me and He has a future so bright for me. I am His little artist. I know He is proud of me. I know I am God's Smile. and I am His song. I will never stop showing people the Love of the Lord that He wants to give so freely. I will never stop believing. Even If I fail. Even If I fall, even if I lose so many things. I will cling to Him. I will face these mountains with Him and He will be my greatest destination. I will live up these dreams. Just because.

Just because I love Him and He made me an artist.

And I love every single bit of how He has created me. <3

I love you Daddy God. <3

Unexpected Sadness

You know those moments when you just feel so lonely, down, and sad? When you cry out not knowing why you were even crying. When you feel like you're a burden to everybody. It's the feeling that you want to talk to your intimates, but you feel like you can give them nothing but burden. You want to speak out and say what's wrong and fix it, but you just don't know how to say it.

You know that feeling when you just don't understand why you're sad. You want to be happy but you can't be happy. You try to eat, shop, do all of these things, but in the end, it's the same. You feel lonely. You feel sad, you feel like your life is worthless, you feel like there is nothing for you anymore.

You try to come and talk to your friends, but you just hate the mere fact of burdening them. And so you hide it all instead by shelling inside. At least no body else gets hurt but yourself. You think of all these happy thoughts, and you feel like you'll never have them today. All you have is tears, loneliness, and ignorance & rejection from the world. It's not as if they reject or neglect you, but you yourself neglect and reject yourself.

It's a bottomless pit of sadness. You keep eating. You keep getting fatter. You end up getting sad about the weight. It's sad. You want to make things better by talking to people you love the most, but you shell out instead. it's so painful inside. So very painful. And all your loved ones could say is, "okay, if that's what you want." Can't you see? I want you to put some effort. If you really really care, please go beyond the words and look into the heart. It's wailing, wanting for attention and love.

I guess that's it.

You just want to feel loved. To actually FEEL it.

Feel it.

Feel.

feel.

. . .